My daughter flew into DC last night. I was already here for work. Today we get to brunch with my old pals from here and then we are off to Vermont to snowboard and generally enjoy the holidays.
I picked her up last night and then we ran around DC seeing the sights: National Christmas Tree, White House, Washington Monument, The Capitol, Union Station, The Dubliner. Ok, that last one wasn’t really a sight - but I spent a lot of time in that bar once upon a time. She loved it. We saw several of my old residences and she seemed generally interested in who her mother used to be back when I was younger and had no experience of being a mother.
We will be in Vermont until Christmas Day and then we are going to NYC to round out the trip. She has never been and I haven’t been in a really long time so it should be fun. There is no city more magical than NYC at the holidays!
I am so grateful for this dedicated time with her. She will be 18 soon, her childhood officially over, my influence and control (if I ever had any in the first place) will end. She will be handed her life, beyond my reach or grasp and I pray I have done enough to ready her for that awesome experience.
It is hard to know when to hold on and when to let go of your kids. They always seem far less capable than they are. I feel like I walk this fine line between over mothering and not enough. The balance so delicate and difficult that I am doomed to ever get it right.
I can say there is no one else on the planet that I would rather be vacationing with. She is my daughter first, but she is also my friend and we have so much fun together. We laugh. We joke. We savor the time we have together.
And while I wish my son was here with us I know that the addition of another person would ruin the mother/daughter experience. It has to just be us, lest this vacation would turn into something else altogether. Not something worse or better, just something other.
I am so grateful for this motherhood last gasp. I mean, I doubt she is moving out next year but regardless, she will be a free agent beyond my purview and control. She will be handed her life and her own agency and that will fundamentally alter our relationship and living. I think I am ready for it but I kind of doubt your last baby perching on the side of the nest is something you can ever be ready for...
“Life moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it.” Ferris Bueller
I don’t want to miss a thing! Ever. I want to soak up every moment and savor the fuck out of it. All of my time with her, these amazing places we get to enjoy and relish. This holiday season I am grateful for her, for my son, Riley and for my family. It is because of them that I am who I am. And after a lot of hard living, I am the best version of me I have ever been. I am so grateful. I am so blessed.
So today my mini me and I take off for another grand adventure. Someone should probably call Vermont and NYC and warn them...
Again...still.
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