I don’t know why I think that I have shit handled. Life is just a series of events that happen and I delusionally believe that I have control over. I don’t. None of it...truly.
This delusional control that I think I have is damaging to myself and others. But today I am grateful for it. Because without it, I would have no need to turn it all over to a power greater than myself...
I do believe that there is something greater than me. I do believe that this is the best news I have ever received. Faith that there is a benevolence and goodness in this world is such a better lens in which to view my life and the lives of others.
Today I can turn it all over to that greater power, that universal goodness that I see evidence of every day. That I admittedly lose faith in every now and again. The place where I can turn when all else fails...
I have a lot to turn over this morning. But, for me, turning it over is such a relief. I am responsible for doing all that I can do. I am in charge of footwork, the universe and outcomes belong to this power that I cannot see or touch but feel immensely.
So I begin this new day and week honoring my powerlessness. Pledging to do the footwork. Working hard to do my part so that the universe can move the players and pieces into place for the higher good to occur.
I love this life, even when it is hard and I am faced with hard choices. I know that I am being carried and it is all happening for me while it is happening to me. Life is an endless series of unresolved issues...forever. There will never be a time where I will have it all together and be above the fray. The fray is life. Life is the fray. I am so grateful that I see that today. I do not wish it to be other than it is. I know that my job is to do what I can and when I have done all that I can, to let go and release it all to ultimately work out the way that it should. This will never be without pain, suffering and heartache. These three are needed and, in fact required, to help me live the fullest life. Avoiding them or neglecting them only serves to make it more painful.
So today I turn over my life to the care of the great benevolence that got me this far. Gave me this amazing life. Continues to guide me and lead me and love me no matter how many times I screw it up, fail or act like a jerk. This forces reminds me of my innate goodness and that same goodness in others. I can turn my attention to seeing it in myself even in my not so stellar moments, and I can begin again. If I can see this in me, I can see it in you. Then we have an even playing field where neither of us is trying to save the other, instead we plow forward, shoulder to shoulder...loving, living and trying, always giving our best even though what is our best changes daily.
So for all the shit I do not know what to do with today, I turn it all over. I trust that that which I do not know how to handle or manage, can and will be handled by the divine goodness that gently and sometimes, not so gently, guides me forward into the great unknown. Today, I will...
"Let whatever mysterious starlight that guided you this far, guide you onward into whatever crazy beauty awaits." Cheryl Strayed
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