I went for a long walk in the woods yesterday. Just me and the dog. We hiked up the hills and canyons. Walked across streams. We each had our own experience. Her looking for the fat squirrels that inhabit the woods. Me, searching for my self, always. Or maybe God. I am never quite sure which one I am seeking. Most likely both. I think I seek God so that I can have peace with me. Or perhaps I seek myself so that I can have peace with God...I am never sure.
It was the perfect day. Not too hot, not too cold. The weather felt like it was happy to be here. Just plain inviting and enjoyable to be around. Like it wanted to provide a backdrop for the perfect day. Mission accomplished weather! Good job!
Not always, but often when I hike, I write things in my head. Stories, pieces that I will actually write later on. My head just takes over while my feet do all the work. I move onward and my head spins tales. Recently I have realized how much my head likes to think about what others think. And I will say that I have been working pretty hard to release that. To let it go. To surrender my idea about the opinions of others. I do not really care anymore. What you think of me, what you want me to do. Who you think I am. All of these questions have taken a backseat to what I think of me, what I want to do and who I think I am. This has become the most important opinion in my life. Finally!
As I walked on, dog by my side, I realized that life is an evolving surrender. We are presented every single day with things that we don’t like, wish were different or insist are other than they are. How interesting but challenging it is to accept them as they are, surrender to the lessons they provide and move on to the next thing...
I had lots of thoughts on my hike. I always do. Almost plagued by thoughts. Almost overrun, out done and overwrought by my thinking. Sometimes I stubbornly refuse to hike because I just don’t want to be run around by my own thoughts. I need a reprieve, an absence of them.
But that too I have surrendered to. That my head is not always a place for a peaceful walk to occur. Sometimes my hike is a war zone, a battleground between instinct and ego. And there is never a clear winner.
But yesterday as I walked the path, I saw that surrendering is the path. One surrender after another. Just like my footfalls, I surrender routinely, one step at a time to whatever it is that comes next. Sometimes a pleasant surprise, sometimes a hardship. I am seemingly always provided safe passage regardless of the directional pull.
Surrendering has given me so much peace. An off ramp to serenity. To just accept things as they are and stop all the ranting and raving about how I think it should have been, should be or is right now. Just allow for my ideas to melt into the presence of now and accept that whatever it is that is happening, will change, can change and my only real job is to surrender to it.
I walk the dusty trails allowing each footstep to bring me closer to the God I do not understand which enables me to move closer to the person I believe God wants me to be. I take each step in an effort to become more of who I was put here to be, and release all the confusion of who I think I am.
The surrendering of will has been painfully hard. I so needed to believe that I had some power, some control. But in my quest for both, I almost missed my life. Life will take care of itself, my power and control more rightly used when I align them with spiritual principles. When I allow what is happening to take center stage and do my best to accept it regardless of whether or not I like it.
Surrender is the only path I have ever known that allows me to move forward...to bring me closer to the light, providing me peace and serenity right here, right now.
The dog and I walked on. Her pacing herself to my cadence. We were present in that wood, walking toward and amongst the unknown. Sandwiched between earth and sky. Surrendering one footfall at a time to a path that was unfolding, being written as we evolved our day.
There are many paths in this life. But yesterday’s hike with my dog and a willingness to surrender to all that comes and goes, was one of the best of my life. Because I was there, occupying myself with my ever faithful companion walking hand and hand with the universe, surrendering all the way.
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