I was out to dinner with a girlfriend last night and we were talking and she misspoke and said flawgic when she really meant flawed logic. Of course, me and my love of words, jumped on that and immediately began creating a blog in my head.
I think the new word actually makes more sense than the two words previously used to describe an error in thinking...flawgic being apropos and way more descriptive.
I am going to narrow the definition of the new word also...
Flawgic applies to the kind of logic one uses when one is trying to convince oneself that something is ok when it is totally not ok...
“I will only eat one cookie, then I will stop...”
“I will just use this apple iTunes card for music, not to increase my score on candy crusher...”
“I will see this guy that I used to have a thing for, even though he still has a girlfriend...”
“I will just have one drink, really, just to take the edge off, then I will stop...”
“I just hit her the one time, I didn’t mean to and she really pissed me off...I do not hit women...”
All of the above are things that I have actually done or said, or had them said to me. All of them illustrate beautifully flawgic at its best worst. It sounds good and possible only to the speaker, anyone else listening has the following response:
“When was the last time you ate only one cookie, or even wanted to??”
“When was the last time you actually listened to music that you purchased with an apple gift card??”
“When did being the other woman ever work out for you?? Or anyone for that matter??”
“When in your life did you just have one drink that you decided to have and then not have another??”
“Um, you already hit her, so you ARE a person that hits women AND it matters not at all what she SAID, YOU ARE THE ONE THAT JUST CROSSED THE LINE!”
Flawgic is as convincing to the speaker as it is stupid to the listener. The speaker can only hear the logic and the listener can only hear the flaw. It is truly amazing how many conversations are based and lodged in flawgic laden dialog.
Why do we lie to ourselves and others?
The "other" part is easy...we lie to them because we lie to ourselves...stop lying to ourselves the "other" problem is solved...
Oh, but we LOVE the lies we tell ourselves. LOVE them, massage them, defend them, bolster them, hold them close and fortify them with all that we are.
BUT WHY?
Why is it so easy to hear a friend throw down some flawgic and be totally able to burst her bubble...but we can’t do this for ourselves?
The older I get, the more I can see my flawgic spilling out of my mouth as I am saying it...sometimes, I will find myself stopping in mid sentence...”Fuck, there I go again.” Depending on the listener, I may just own it right there, “Nevermind, I see the error, the flaw...I am going to go lay down now...”
I am sure for as many times as I see it while I am doing it, there are literally a million other times that I do not. Which leaves me feeling a bit desperate and scared. What am I flawgicking all over at the moment that I do not see? What story am I telling myself that has fully fled all reason? What beautiful delusion am I spouting today?
This would be where good friends, like the best ones you could ever imagine and a sponsor come in very handy. Good friends will tell you when they see your flawgic. If you are lucky enough to have destroyed your life and earned a seat in a 12 step program, then your sponsor is the greatest flawgic buster of all! They live for your flawgic and take immense pleasure in shooting it down...a verbal round of skeet shooting to be sure...
Sponsee
“I think that I am going to call my ex-boyfriend to make amends...”
Sponsor
“PULL!” (as the clay pigeon gets launched into the air...)
“BANG!” (I think you need to check your motives and also recognize that you are only on step one...) as the shards of clay and self delusion come crashing to the ground..
I don’t know what I did before a sponsor...really. How did I function in my life? This external locus of actual logic has become essential to me. Therapists are also really helpful to those you not afflicted with addiction. Anyone can serve as your flawgic buster, the one and only rule about flawgic busters is that it CANNOT be you. You can’t bust up your own flawgic. Because you are the manufacturer of it, it is kind of like trying to skeet shoot and be the one that launches the pigeons into the air...it looks insane to anyone watching and the results are there in the lack of results.
I have never participated in skeet shooting, but I have forever been the one trying to bust up my own flawgic generated statements...to no avail. What I find is that without some sort of external locus of control, I can convince myself of just about anything and be right every single time.
Flawgic is seductive and sensuous and beckons to the one speaking it like some sort of siren on a sandy shore...
“Over here, come this way, oh, don’t look over there, there is nothing to see over there...”
And so we blindly follow our deluded flawgic to our own demise and dismay. And we suffer.
I have found it so much easier to be here working toward flawgic busting and really trying to see reality for what it is...because reality always wins anyway. I can create any story I like, but I am never powerful enough to really alter the truth. So I get my ass clobbered again by a reality that I knew on some level but chose to wholly avoid.
I find it best to work in partnership with my sponsor, one of us throwing my flawgic laden clay pigeons in the air and the other one armed with a shotgun and firing. Sometimes she shoots and sometimes I do while she tosses the flawgic twisted anthems of my life into the air.
So I guess the most appropriate thing to say to anyone anywhere that flawgic is being aired..
“PULL!”
They will likely thank you for it later...and if they don't, they likely won't be back to bother you with it again...
Because here is the deal with flawgic...you either see it on some level in your life and dedicate your life to busting it up and out or you come to serve it as only the truly afflicted can and your whole life becomes one long skeet shooting match where the only one that thinks you hit anything at all is you. And so there you are, standing in the spent shells of your flawgic...again.
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