Nothingness

I am learning to love nothingness. Days that go nowhere. I was invited to do a few things yesterday but I turned them all down, save one. I stayed home. I spent time with myself and my animals and for a few minutes when my son would actually talk to me. I savored the nothingness of my life which turns out to be everything.

I successfully cleaned one closet and dresser. That was my major goal for the day. I still have two to go but I was fine with my progress. I was happy with how my day unfolded. Perfectly balanced with some social, some alone, some work, some play and an early ending that partially made up for the moon’s interrupted sleep of the night before...makes me wonder how something so beautiful can so fuck up my sleep. Kind of like an amazing lover that you know is only there for a short while. You have to stay awake to enjoy and savor because you know he will be gone soon.

I am learning to love nothingness. Really. It is truly a gift of middle age. I am released from all my planning and working and all the stuff that I think that I thought that I needed or wanted. And instead, I am more and more happy with less. Nothingness being such a wonderful thing to seek, such a wonderful example of less.

I am finding boundaries in my nothingness. Places within me where I am willing to say no to others because I have a higher need to be alone. It isn’t that I wouldn’t love to spend time with others...just that I need the down time, the alone time. The time where I can meander through my own thoughts, without having to entertain others, or consider them really at all. It is something new to me. Me picking me over me picking others...I never knew that this was the precursor to peaceful nothingness. I am very grateful to be learning.

Nothingness turns out to be a lot more than I thought it would be...turns out to be a really good foundation for everything I have ever wanted: peace within myself.