I think the magic, the secret, if there is one, is learning to not attempt to avoid discomfort in this life. I spent the first part of my life, desperately, futilely attempting to avoid all things painful, hard, or uncomfortable. It almost fucking killed me. I just had to keep adding things to the list of things I was attempting to avoid until my whole life was consumed with the avoidance of all things I decided were unpleasant or bothersome.
It didn’t take very long for me to wind up in this horrific place where my whole existence was spent getting drunk to numb the discomfort and then recover from my solution to all my problems, which really only created more problems...
I didn’t know when I got sober that I was signing up for life without anaesthetic...I just thought I can’t keep doing this whole drinking thing day after day anymore...
But on that fateful day, I began the process of learning to live with and accept the feelings of discomfort being alive and human provide us. And what a journey it has been! I still am not the biggest fan of discomfort, but I will tell you that I am whole lot more comfortable with it than I used to be. And that counts. Progress made, no matter how small, is still progress.
I guess what I didn’t see coming, the thing I could not have known before now, is how much a life well lived requires suffering, hardship, hard times, pain, scarcity, loss and grief. If life skipped over just one of these hard truths, life would lose the opportunity to be more well lived and loved.
I didn’t know in my mad attempt to avoid pain, loss, hardship and discomfort that I was hurting myself and everyone else. I thought I was on course for a life well lived. But avoidance only breeds more things to avoid as it turns out. But a life well lived, that gives you the tools and the ability to shoulder whatever burdens fall your way. And to trust that they are just your burdens, testamentary evidence that you are here, living, breathing in and out every day. And that they are absolutely required to ever reflect that your life is being well lived.
When I am my highest self, which is way more often than I probably give myself credit for, I see the path is wide, plenty of room for me and all my troubles to meander forward. I will never be burden free...too much has happened, too much has been survived. But how I carry them and what weight I give them is, in fact, a choice I get to make.
The healthy trajectory of my life came only when I realized that my attempt to avoid pain and suffering was really what was causing me more pain and suffering. A life well lived requires that I learn what the discomfort has to teach me and then endeavor to grow in a more healthy direction.
Ever since I first surrendered to this most basic and fundamental truth, I began my path towards a life well lived...
And I am still on it and life is still well lived and the pain and suffering still comes, but I know what to do with it today...allow it its righteous place, allow the lesson to land, and continue forward as best I can...
Again...still...for the rest of my days.
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