I think it needs a new name. So I am renaming it, Fucksgiving. I need some separation from the day, its celebration and the history. I have always loved this holiday, except its historical roots. I mean, we shared food but then we spread disease and “our” beliefs and killed many. Hard to reconcile the facts of history and a day where we are supposed to be thankful when so many fellow humans are not/were not thankful.
So for me this day isn’t about then, it is about now. For me, I am bifurcating the event, I celebrate with the sentiment that perhaps this world can be a better place if we all just take a moment to be still, share a meal and be grateful for what we have. Today is about giving a fuck. This seems especially important now. And right before the season where we run around and buy a whole bunch of shit we do not need, and likely, do not want.
For me, today, I am going to enjoy my time with family and friends, sharing home cooked food, fellowship and love. I think we should have more days that celebrate not buying shit and doing shit. Just a day to be together and relish in the fact we are all still here, alive, breathing in and out and can be together. A day where we celebrate giving a fuck instead of not giving a fuck.
This is my favorite meal of the year. I love the food, and can feel ok about my love of this food because I don’t engage in all the turkeying...I mean you do you, but I feel good knowing that all those gobblers are safe with me. I know, I know, not a popular opinion...again, you do you, I will do me.
I am fucksgiving for so much this year. As I posted a few days ago, I am fucksgiving for all of you. Everyone of you. I am so grateful for the people who are currently in my life, in whatever form, however intimate or not. I am fucksgiving to have some pretty amazing people in my life. And I would be remiss to say there are a few of you fuckers I am glad are NOT in my life today, or to be clear, I give no fucks about this year. I feel like this year was a relational cleansing year so I am also very fucksgiving for all those people who were here last year that are no longer. I am better for their departure.
And mostly, I am grateful for the ability to know the difference this year. Those people who warrant a seat at my proverbial and not so proverbial table. I am very fucksgiving for the people who are no longer being here, that they were here to teach me what they did and for me to have grown so much this past year that I am no longer willing to engage with people who treat me in ways that are subpar and sometimes, down right abusive. I have learned a great deal of discernment this past year. And how to give less fucks, and how to use the fucks I have better.
And I am also very fucksgiving for the pain this last year has brought into my life. I needed it. I know that may seem weird and off, but without the pain of the last year, I wouldn’t be this very happy, content, free and full of life person I feel like I am today. One whose fucks are given with an ever expanding discernment and wisdom. I needed to walk through some pretty dark shit to get to the light again. Pain is always my pathway to peace and no matter how many times I do it, I always think it should be different. Nope, still the same. Hard shit comes, I endure and learn and grow and my life just keeps getting better and better and better.
So I am immensely fucksgiving for all of that!
I am fucksgiving that my kids and parents are good and alive. I will miss my son this year as he has relocated to Seattle but I will be loving him from afar! I am fucksgiving for all of the many blessings in my life which is mostly the people I am surrounded by. I feel that acutely this year. Life is about the people we love and allow into our hearts and lives. It is the mutual exchange of kindness, intimacy and love. And that resonates deeply.
I wish a day full of blessings for you and all those you hold near and dear. I pray that you have enough of all that you want and need and less of the stuff that makes life hard and painful. However, I have learned, fuck how I have learned, that the more I lean into the pain that comes, the more I get to enjoy the fun, the peace, the laughter and joy that comes as well.
So today as you saddle up to the table and begin to pack in the food, I hope you also are able to pack in the love, the friendship, the family, the relationships that make your life easier, better and worth living. I know today, I will be with the people I love most on this planet (save my son) and that is what makes this day special. It isn’t the food, or the history, or the stuff. It is the people we do this life with, share our hearts, minds and love with that make this day special to me.
And to the Native Americans who hate this holiday for good reason...I am so sorry this day brings you pain and suffering. And I am very sorry my people fucked you over so badly, repeatedly, forever. I acknowledge that and have attempted to do my part to heal that in the small ways I am able. I hope that this day can still be a day of joy, unmoored from its terrible beginnings and can instead be repurposed for a day where all humans everywhere celebrate all of the amazing, wonderful and lovely things in their lives, and give fucks for the things in this life that are vital, important and life sustaining.
May we all be content.
May we all be free from suffering.
May we all use our fucks wisely, with discernment and wisdom.
May we give fucks only to those people in your life that are worthy
May we enjoy the food as a gift from the whole universe: the earth, the sky, numerous living beings and much hard, loving work.
May we eat with mindfulness and gratitude so as to be worthy to receive it.
May we recognize and transform our unwholesome mental formations, especially our greed, and learn to eat with moderation.
May we keep our compassion alive by eating in such a way that we reduce the suffering of living beings, preserve our planet, and reverse the process of global warming.
We accept this food so that we may nurture our sisterhood and brotherhood, strengthen our community, and nourish our ideal of serving all living beings.
(Stolen from Thich Nhat Hanh with a little Erin thrown in for good, or bad, measure, I will leave that to you to decide...)
May you have a blessed day surrounded by love and hope and faith and all those you love. May you have the best Fucksgiving ever!
Again...still.
Always.
(I had to post a photo that said thanksgiving because you would not believe what comes up If you google "fucksgiving"... google it, but remember I warned you before you did it!)
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