My topic today. And I think about this a lot. I have a lot of sanctuaries in my life: nature, my home, meditation, yoga, the gym, animals, certain people in my life. They all provide me safety and security and a feeling of well being.
But I guess what is really landing for me today, the day before I take off for a month down under, is this idea that in order to ever feel sanctuary “out there” I have to feel it “in here.”
That has been a hard place for me to reach. Funny, since it is with me 24/7, 365. I am always here but so often I am so far gone from myself. Distracted in a myriad of ways, wasting myself on things that are better left alone. I see merit or involvement or interest or alleviation and I am into it, often without really thinking about the inner effects my temporary solace and comfort is found “out there.”
As I leave my all of my outward sanctuaries tomorrow, I am really attempting to sink into this inner home I dwell. It used to be a place of hardship, pain, loss and grief. But I have cleaned that debris up pretty well by now. I have remodeled my own interior and have set about refurbishing it nicely so that it is well equipped, appointed and a place of peace and serenity. Oh, sure, there are still the occasional storms and showers but they are mostly welcome since I have such a lovely, quiet place to ride them out.
I love this idea that it is my inner sanctuary that matters most. I can never really enjoy the outward ones if my inner sanctuary is faulty, flawed and desolate. This idea that my body, mind and spirt reside together in the house of me, is an idea I have been massaging into fruition for some time now. Fitting that it feels like almost a complete remodel as I take off for a month of all me, all the time.
I know I am going to need this inner sanctuary to guide me in the journey that beckons me to far off distant lands, where everything is foreign, unexplored and unknown. I expect I will meet a new version of me along the way. That I will scoop her up and introduce her to this inner chamber, this place of quiet reflection, solace and comfort. I have made my body my home. I take care of it. I grant it sustenance, sunlight, rest and work. I feel the support and love transmitted back to all I offer to it.
I feel the spirit inside me, guiding me forward to places I have never been before. Leaving behind certain things, ideas and perhaps persons I have long out grew but was too comfortable in my discomfort to leave. I am sure they will come to pass as these types of growth spurts require.
I guess out of the the three, it is my mind I worry about the most. She is nimble, quickwitted and frequently outsmarts me. She is full of wild abandon and mental acuity. She is a force, of what I am never, ever sure, but I feel like this trip, this pilgrimage is really to come to know this mind dweller better. It feels as though we have long been at war and I am ready to lay down my arms and make a lasting peace with this inner recklessness and find a common ground upon which to agree.
So today sanctuary is wherever I am. I house it, most especially in the places that house me, but always, it resides within me. And while I might think it resides in others or distant lands or new, interesting people, I shall remember, that I cannot ever find it “out there” if I do not first recognize and inhabit it “in here.”
Again...still...
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