Holidaze...

I am feeling very distracted about the holidays. I really feel like I am in a holidaze. I so want things to be a certain way, to give thoughtful gifts to the people I love, but I am struggling to get it all to come together. I feel very fractured and unable to really think this whole thing through. I have all these ideas but then I start to go find the ideas and then I get interrupted or distracted by work or kids or exhaustion. It is becoming an issue.

So I am starting with what always works for me: just do one thing. In the holiday shopping realm, I am focusing on my son. I need to get his gifts off to him sooner because I have to ship them to Montana so I am just working on that first and trusting that if I can get that done this weekend, then I will have one less thing to think about and then I will have more brain power to dedicate to all the other shit I need to do.

I love the holidays but I have to admit the longer I am alive the harder tasks with multiple steps gets for me. I think all the preplanning and then executing part of my brain is exhausted and has started to behave like a guy in the military on terminal leave...there but sooooo not there.

Anyway, I am not really complaining. I know it will all get done, I just wish that I could feel more organized about it all. I feel like I have a million things to do and instead of accomplishing much of anything, I just run around checking in on status updates which only makes me feel more behind.

So this morning, I feel dazed, tired and a little pressured to get this all done. I know that there really isn’t any pressure, there is plenty of time. Always. And if there isn’t, then I wasn’t supposed to do it.

It has been an asskicker of a week so maybe I am just tired. And I know what to do about that. Sleep, rest and reset. Then perhaps my holidaze will pass and I can get on enjoying my amazing life! Perception is not always correct, and just because I feel something it doesn’t make it true. And holidaze might just be part of my holidays...and that can just be ok.