I have previously wrote and meant that I hate this holiday. But have recently called myself out on being such a hater. So this year, I am going to attempt to do it differently. I am going to go bold, be daring and put this out there...
If you are currently in my life, I love you.
If you are part of my past, I loved you.
If you are hovering around waiting to enter a mutual orbit, I will love you.
I am just gonna love everyone this year, to include myself. And I am going to go out of my way to show everyone I possibly can that I love them. Maybe with cheesey cards and candy, maybe with a call or text, maybe with a snap (hey, I am killing it on the snapchat front). I am going to be traveling home today and I am going to do my best to spread the love to everyone I meet today. I am even gonna go out of my way to extend myself to others who might just be a little out of my hula hoop. A stranger sitting next to me on the plane, someone in line, a tired flight attendant, a random person walking by...all of them.
This year I am going to try to love - regardless of who or why or how. I am just going to spend the whole fucking day loving. Just saying that made me cringe, a lot...so this is going to be a stretch. And I am vowing to not say anything fucking negative about VD. Nothing. Only love and light for this “holiday”. That will be a harder task still...
A few years ago I wrote a particularly scathing rant about this day of forced love (https://www.nakedrandomthoughts.com/post/top-ten-reasons-valentine-s-day-sucks-coupled-or-uncoupled . I gave many reasons as to why it sucks. And I still feel all those things I said are valid and applicable.
Then a year later, I wrote another one that tried to be more positive and waxed philosophical (https://www.nakedrandomthoughts.com/post/day-132-eight-fold-love-on-valentine-s-day). But this year, I am not bitter. I am not upset that I will have no one to eat an overly priced meal with, or send me flowers with a ridiculously jacked price tag. I am going to miss the chocolate...because this is a life long love affair for me. But if I get too melancholy over the dearth of chocolate, I will just buy myself some and then share it with someone else who seems a bit lost today.
But before I go spread the love from Montana to California, I want to take a moment to say the following:
Whether you are close to me, trying to get away from me, love me, hate me, care for me, find me trying, like me, or just flat out don’t know if you want to get any fucking closer, today I am doing my best to love you. And I am going to do that by loving me, in all my fucked up weird ass ways. And hope and pray that you can feel it no matter how close or far you might be from me. I hope that every person who I have ever touched can feel that today I have taken a moment to think of you and to send out love in your direction. And for you to know that it was hard for me to get out of my own way. It was hard for me to even want to. Not because I don’t feel it, but because I didn’t want to share it. Writing this blog is hard for me today...Because I kind of like being a sarcastic ass with the snarky commentary. I have previously loved hating on the day we are supposed to just go for the love. And to be really, really honest, I am not loving that I am trying to do this differently...
But here is the deal. I want to grow towards the goodness and light. I want to take those harden parts of me and let them loose, take them off leash and let the mother fuckers run about. Because any one of us could be gone in an instant. There are no guarantees for any of us. I have spent too much time in the negative in my life. Hating this, hating that. Railing against the machine, the man, the world. And while I am not completely ready to surrender it all, I can lay it down for one day and do my best to ensure that everyone that I come in contact with today feels all my mother fuckin love. You are welcome...I hope it brings us both joy.
I couldn't resist...I had to find a photo that provided me with a neutral footing...this really feels like it! It isn't negative, but it isn't over the moon positive either. May you all have a better than Meh Valentine's Day!
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