Today is my parent’s 57th wedding anniversary and my son’s 19th birthday. It is kind of amazing for a variety of different reasons. First of all, marriage is hard. And the fact that I can still look to my parents for love and support, knowing that the only reason they are still together is because they were able to give that to each other for 57 years.
It has been a rough year for them. My dad continues to decline and my mom’s caregiving responsibilities increase. So far, both of them are doing ok, but we really are in the day at a time place. I am sure neither of them contemplated this when they began this wild ride in 1967! But that is life, and marriage.
And on this day, 19 years ago, Logan was born. And I can say THAT too has been a wild ride. Not easy a great deal of the time and heartbreaking more times than I will recount here. Life is so interesting. It definitely keeps you on the edge of your seat if you are paying attention. And my son has been one of those life lessons and relationships that has kept me literally on edge for years. Our relationship has been tumultuous, hard and sometimes down right awful. We have a lot of the same energy and so that breeds conflict and hard feelings.
But this year with him almost 8 months sober, and me almost 30 years sober, we live in a different place. Oh sure, we still get on each other’s nerves...but that happens less often than it has in a long time. We can actually spend time together today and enjoy it and each other. Today, it feels like we are freer to celebrate and appreciate who we are even though we are such very different people. And that is a gift to both of us.
We have fought for this relationship. We have both endured a great deal of pain and hard feelings to get where we are today. If you would have asked me last year if I would willing spend the entire day with him, I would have said, “fuck no!” But this year, I am so grateful and there isn’t any other place on earth that I would want to be than with him today.
It was a very busy, emotional and hard weekend on many fronts, but today I am so happy to be able to be with his amazing kid of mine doing silly shit and having a good time. We are even going to the DMV to get his truck registered...now if that doesn’t scream birthday fun, then I don’t know what does!
The four of us (my parents, Logan and I) went out to dinner last night to celebrate since Logan and I will be with his friends this evening. And it was so nice to be present with these people I love with all that I am. To laugh, to reflect and to just enjoy the privilege of being alive and in each other’s presence.
I came home from dinner and found myself just happy. And given how hard life has been for me the past week, being happy has felt like a stretch. So last night, feeling that little small burst of happiness at being able to love and be close to those particular three people, felt like a win.
And I think that is what I have learned in these three particular relationships, life provides ample opportunities for hardship and pain and loss and grief and sometimes those things can feel so large that they tend to overshadow all the goodness in this life. My parents didn’t get to 57 years of marriage always feeling in love and happy and like they made the right choice. My son and I did not get to today riding a rainbow of happiness and joy. We all have trudged. At times, I know I have felt like “what is the point?” “Why can’t this be easier?” “Why me, why them?”
And I think that is the point in all of this living we have done independently and together...when the love is real, the pain is not a deterrent to a future, it just makes the path more interesting. So many more twists and turns. All of us have had to dig in and do some pretty monumental work to get to the place today where we are relatively peaceful, contented and able to appreciate that life and love and family will always be a wild ride. No exceptions. The path of true love never did run smooth. And I guess today I am most grateful for these particular relationships because they have, at times, been anything but smooth.
But last night we all sat at a table together, basking in the love. All of us sober and relatively stable. And it was a lovely meal and the gift for me this year was just that meal. One that was occupied and owned in peace and safety and love.
Happy Annibirthary Mom, Dad and Logan! I am grateful to you and for you and I love you all with all that I am. Forever!
Now let’s get busy kicking this magnificent day off!
Again, still.
I will have some photos posted on the socials for Logan tomorrow!
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