Happy 18th Birthday, Grace!

I cannot believe you are an adult, just like that.  All the years spent taking care of you and parenting you have come to their legal closure.  Don’t worry, I will still always be your mom and I will likely still tell you parenty things that you will listen to and dismiss just like you did before you were legally an adult.

I guess the main thing I want you to know today is how very grateful I am to be your mom.  You are an amazing young woman and make me proud all the time.  Your passion and commitment to the people and activities you love is awe inspiring.

I have watched you grow into the person you are today, slowly, day by day, over the last 18 years and I have to say I am so honored to have gotten the chance to be here, all the time, walking through your life with you.

I don’t know how to do this new ask of motherhood, to still be your mom but allow you the grace to find your own way in this world.  I mean, I know you will do it regardless of me, but I want to be supportive but not hovering.  I want to be available but not a crutch.  I want to help you figure out what it is you want in your life while honoring it is your birthright to figure that out for yourself.

Today I feel emptied of all my ideas and plans and schemes for you.  I don’t know what you should do, and have all the confidence in you that you will figure it all out in due time.  You are a brave, confident soul, who is intrepid in her quest for things she desires.  It has been so lovely to watch you grow into this beautiful young woman full of grace, skill, intellect and beauty.  

I love you my sweet girl with all that I am.  I have tried my best to be a good mom, whatever that is.  It has felt mostly amazing and on the days it didn’t, know that I never, ever, not even one time let up on myself when I was less than what I knew I should and could be.

Mothering is a labor of love every single day.  There are many days where you feel like you are not up to the task.  But there are no days in your entire life that I wasn’t grateful you were mine.

Today, I pass you the torch to your own life.  You get to make your own decisions and you also will have to pay the consequences of those decisions, so choose wisely.  You are very smart and capable, just don’t be afraid to push yourself past those comfort zones, that is the only place growth occurs in my experience.

I feel like I am sure I have said all of what I am about to say before, but I feel like today on your birthday, I want to commemorate and memorialize all my motherly advice for you, so, in the future, if you ever forget and I am not here to remind you, you have it readily available...here goes:

You are stronger than you know.  Believe in you, always.

Your beauty is dazzling, but time erodes everything, ensure your beauty radiates from the inside out and you shall remain beautiful the whole of your life.

The ferocity of your love for your friends, family and horses is intense and unyielding.  Remember even love and passion needs a check at times.

You can do anything you want to do in this life, remember you only get this one (at least as far as we know) so choose wisely.

Tattoos are really permanent, choose wisely and leave it to the professionals...

So long as I am alive and breathing, I will be here for you, to love you and support you.  But I will back up a bit so that I don’t cause you to stand in my shadow.

Though I may appear to retreat from all the mothering, know I am here, pulling for you, always.  And am never far in thought, in heart, or miles.

I want always to be the stable base for you in this life.  When you are sick, I hope you call me.  When you are heartbroken, I hope you call me.  When you are elated, I hope you call me.  Having that kind of relationship with my own mom has been my salvation repeatedly.  I hope you can rely on me in all the ways like I did my mom (and continue to do to this day).

Never trust boys/men that say “trust me.” Really good men show you by their actions, and don't need words when they are living in the reality of their authenticity.

Trauma is a part of life and postponing dealing with it only allows it to own more of your internal surface area.  When trauma reigns, give her the respect she is due and go find someone to help you process.  Otherwise, your trauma will take your life.

Drink in moderation.  I pray you can find bliss and joy in things other than alcohol.  Remember, you come from a long line of drunks...it would be great if you would skip that linage for yourself.

Your health is the basis for your entire life.  Without your physical and emotional health, the quality of your life suffers greatly.  Take care of your body, mind and spirit so that you live long and get to enjoy it.

Not everyone is going to like you.  This is as it should be.

You will not like everyone, this is also as it should be.

Care most about the people who add to your life, and give the ones who only take no more time and attention.

Cats are small, have many.

Horses are expensive, have few.

The most precious commodity in this life is time.  Be very decisive in how you spend it, who you spend it with and your life will be blessed with so many moments that bring you joy for decades to come.

There isn’t equality in this world.  As women, we can have it all but there is always a price and that price is never a fair ask.  Work to equalize your world and the people you allow to share your life with you. 

Have your own back no matter what. You aren’t always going to get it right, but you should believe in you, love you with all that you are, in an ever evolving way.

Self love isn’t selfish.  It is vital to a balanced, stable life.

If a man is not a HELL YES, then he is a NO.

If anything in your life is not a HELL YES, it is likely a no.  Remember every time you say yes to something, you are in effect, saying no to a great many other things.

Sex is good, how you feel about it depends in how you wield your sexual power.  Set an ideal for you, never waiver from it.

Spend time in nature every single day.  Allow it to make you cry from time to time with its majesty and grace.  Some of the best moments of my life have been while I stood alone on a mountainside.

Keep your world neat and tidy.  It just makes life and living easier and less stressful.

Want what you have, even if you want something more or better.  My experience is that you never are presented with more in this life until you come to truly love what you already are blessed with...

Enjoy your life.  Every single day.  Take time for yourself, give yourself space to breathe and to know that real life occurs outside of Tik Tok, Instagram and Snapchat.

Coffee helps.

So does chocolate.

I love you big, completely and always.  There is nothing you can do that will ever stop my love for you. Nothing.  Not even murder...but I would really prefer to not have to deal with that.

Welcome to your adult life.  I can’t wait to see what you do with this one precious, wild life you have.  Know that I am always here and always your biggest fan.  I love you with all that I am, forever my sweet, beautiful, gentle soul.  And there is absolutely nothing you can ever do that will change that for me.

Be free, be safe, be kind...and your life will reward you with many blessings.  I have given you my best, most days, on on the days I was a jerk or so much less than I would have like, know too that sometimes our best doesn’t look all that great, despite all of our efforts to the contrary.

So go now, be free to move about your life...

But remember I miss you when you are gone, so call your mom every once in awhile, ok?

And know, I am pulling for you every minute of your life.

Again...still, always.