It is upon us here in California. One of the only reasons I don’t like living here. It happens every year and every year, I weather it but with less and less calm. All around LA is burning right now, my firefighter friends in other states are en route or will be shortly to come help us. It is a tragic situation and the high blowing Santa Ana’s are only fueling this particular firestorm.
My fire app is going nuts with new fires sprouting up what seems like every five minutes. That isn’t true, but that is how it feels.
I woke Wednesday with no power. No warning, just power cut. And while that is irritating and potential somewhat problematic, I guess I prefer having no power than having my entire town burned to the ground. There is no telling when we will get power back. And if it means the ability to stave off another Thomas Fire situation, then I am fine camping at home without power, internet or cell service for a few days. Small sacrifice instead of a larger, more global one.
However, I have lived in California long enough to know you are never safe. We live in arid land, that is in reality, a very large tinder box that can and will erupt without warning. And if it isn’t a fire raging and blowing through town...then it is the earthshaking us so badly that things around us crumble to the earth.
But global warming isn’t really a thing...
I am unnerved and scared. I am praying for all of those in harm’s way. For all the people losing their homes. For all the first responders having to witness the destruction of life, limb and property. I can’t even begin to think about the animals...
So I pray, I try to put the good vibes out there that the winds will slow and calm and allow the firefighters to stave off the rapid spread...during the Thomas Fire the fire burned a 100 feet per second. A hundred feet per second! You cannot outrun that. You cannot do much of anything except pray and run and trust that if it is your time, then it is your time.
Right now the winds are calm and not blowing here in Ojai. It is eerie, a tentative calm that feels ill-advised and uneasy. I am having a hard time sitting still but I also don’t want to leave my home. I feel torn to run and torn to stay put. I want to help but there is nothing I can do. I do not have skills to assist and so I feel like my only job is just to stay out of the way. So I sit and pray and hold out hope that this too shall pass and without any further loss of life or property.
I pray that all those in harm’s way, wherever they may be will find shelter and safety and be spared the scaring fire that seems to be burning brightly in a new location every five minutes. I pray that those in service to stopping the fire are safe and are given assistance so that they can rest and rejuvenate themselves.
I hate fire season...which has now become just an all year long thing here in California. If you have never survived a wildfire, then you are lucky. It is the most powerless feeling I have ever experienced and today I will own that I am triggered and ptsd’ing all over the place. I thought surviving alcoholism was hard, wildfire is harder.
For now, I am safe and inconvenienced. And I will take that deal all day long. Grateful for my plight currently and desperately wanting what I have over what might befall me should the winds change direction or a random spark ignite...
Please pray for California now. If you are begin told to evacuate, please find shelter. If you are displaced and need a place to stay, I have space, call me. I will provide safe shelter for as long as I too am out of harm’s way. For all of you in the thick of it, I send prayers and love and light. And if there is anything. I can do to help, please, please, please reach out.
Thank you again to all our first responders, you are literally what stands between death and survival for us. Thank you for your service, your commitment and your bravery.
Again...still.
Sigh.
Fuck.
Surrender.
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