Fucking Facebook.
Yep, that is what I have to contribute today. Fucking Facebook.
If I were a betting woman, I would gamble that Facebook has recently changed their algorithm. I think they do it all the time but every once in awhile they make big changes. Their recent change? Suggesting as friends all the single people. I bet they have even gone so far as to ensure that you are getting connected to the gender you are interested in.
Here is what I know...
I have made no changes to my Facebook profile. None. There are no new sexy photos of me, no comments on sexual prowess or anything that could account for the fact that I am getting 10-12 new friend requests per day from men on Facebook.
I know what you are thinking...it is spam. Wrong. Almost all of these men have several friends in common with me and are not living in Saudia Arabia or Africa. They are legit, not spam. Or maybe they are spam, I truly do not have a clue!
At first I was concerned...I thought “what the hell is going on? Did someone post a naked photo of me?” Then I thought "well that would not increase my friend requests...that would result in getting unfriended...a lot." Next I thought, “did one of my somewhat out there friends (Justin from DC) post that I was great at blow jobs (not that he would know) or make some sexual reference that has greatly increased my desirability?” Nope, well not that I could find in my search which makes me super worried.
It is like I have been made into some virtual flower that the male cyber bees are buzzing around. I am not going to lie, my ego likes the attention especially since in real life it is a man desert with no fucking bees anywhere to be found. I am not complaining - I am the one that wandered into the man desert and welcomed the absence. It is just that my ego really likes to be stroked...
Once I get my big, fat ego out of the way, I am alarmed. So now Facebook is going to incorporate online dating...except that you don’t know that your regular Facebook profile is now a dating profile. Your life as told on Facebook what every new possible suitor sees. Well that could be interesting and more real...except that Facebook isn’t really real so I guess the more I think about it, it will be exactly online dating...except you don’t know you signed up. Kinda like if your friend signed you up for Tinder without your knowledge or consent...
I guess the digital world has really taken over. It makes me scared as to what is going to happen in 10 years. I keep thinking of all the end of the world movies and science fiction I read as a kid...I can see it coming now and I am so fucking grateful to be 50 in 3 days. I do not think that I want to live in a world where my self worth is based on how many likes I have, the number of virtual friends and completely dependent on how much time I spend looking at the tiny tyrant screen. I am going to kind of lean the other way and get rid of all the technology and go live off the grid...someday.
Seriously, I have gotten 4 new friend requests while I write this fucking story about friend requests. It is an epidemic!
I am not sure how to handle it. I am completely out of my league here - what is the social rule about Facebook etiquette? Is there etiquette? Does it even matter?
Because I am me, I feel mean saying no to someone’s friend request...especially if we have friends in common. I think “how much is this really asking of me?” I can just hit confirm and move on. Then there is this other part of me that is like, “Dude, I am a little creeped out that you are cyber stalking me and all you have ever seen is a few photos of me...” So I decided to make it interesting. I flip the coin and let the coin decide whether I accept their request or not. Again, I feel that removing myself from the equation is almost always the best choice. My ego is kind of an asshole that makes really poor choices and I am never sure I am going to win a battle with her.
So if you are sending me friend requests, keep in mind that it is all up to the magic coin as to whether I accept your request or not. It is the only way that I can think to manage this new phenomena. Well, that or take down my profile....maybe in January. I think that I am going to go on a shopping and media diet come the new year. I feel like I need a fast in these two areas. Until then I guess I will just choose to be amused by the new algorithm (relax ego - it isn’t you - it is math!) and see what happens when my response to math is chance. In some perverse way, I think it is funny that one can choose to respond to a mathematical equation with the flip of the coin...what better way to remind myself that I am totally not in charge of any of this?
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