I know it is a little racy but it is Friday and why not?
My kids are gone. My kids are rarely gone. Both of them at the same time. It is a rare thing and I am grateful it is rare. It is always a weird time for me. I miss them terribly and at the same time relish every single minute I get to spend alone. It is like I get to visit the me I was before I became a mom. When my life was completely self directed and so not mom like...
There are lots of things you give up as a parent: sleep, money, plans, a clean house, being able to go wherever you want, whenever you want, down time, Saturdays, Sundays, a well stocked fridge and for me, sleeping in the nude. This is something that I used to do all the time. I sleep so much better unencumbered. I am so long now out of the habit that I don’t even remember to do it when I can. But last night, I remembered and my God how well I slept!
I have tried it unsuccessfully when the kids were home. I will suffice it to say that it was a very awkward morning when my son woke up early and got into bed with me...so that ended that..
Nudity is such a weird thing in this country. So scandalous. But really I can’t think of anything that feels more natural and liberating than sliding into bed sans clothing. And I was richly rewarded last night because I slept like I haven’t slept in a long time.
I was even able to get up and walk out to the kitchen in that state. I know for some of you this will seem like a weird act of freedom but for someone who didn’t have kids or marry until her middle 30s, I spent a lot of time alone and a lot of time living single. The last 15 years have been a change for me for sure. Constantly having family around is something foreign to this only child who spent a lot of time alone as a kid.
Something about middle age also makes me want to reclaim anything youthful...eating ice cream for dinner, dancing in my kitchen, singing in the shower and well, sleeping in the buff are all things that allow me to somewhat re-live my life as a younger person.
I wish that I would have grown up with a more free feeling about my body. I didn’t. I didn’t grow up feeling ashamed but I come from a long line of people who were pretty proper and nudity was not something that was present or encouraged. So I found my way to this completely as a rebellion at first. In my rites of passage, bucking the system and raising the proverbial middle finger to all that I was given as rules and norms was just what I had to do.
When my kids were younger, I tried to give them a different upbringing by encouraging them to swim in our pool naked. I think that happened once because their father didn’t think it was proper or appropriate. For me, being naked isn’t sexual. It is just natural and free and easy. A shedding of the persona I wear around all day and an ability to inhabit my most true form.
I am grateful I remembered before it was too late this time. I am soaking in my down time, my non-parental duty time. I miss them both so much but I am making the best of it solo, and I am doing it minus clothes. So if you stop by unannounced, don’t say I didn’t warn you!
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