Ok, maybe I am grasping...
I love words. They are interesting to me and I think my vocabulary proves that up. But I love to find new words to express familiar feelings. The new words seems to birth new meaning to tired old feelings.
So today, I offer up reflugence (a radiant or resplendent quality or state) and longueur (a dull and tedious passage or section). Seems this describes my life in pandemic times perfectly!
Let’s start with longueur. It has been tedious for sure. Working from home, being cut off from any kind of real social life, being unable to hug anyone (I am a hugger), becoming fearful of physical contact, spending lots of time cooped up at home, not being able to see or touch family. It has been hard. And there have been moments of dullness. I am rarely bored (see previous blog post about why) but even I have had moments where I thought I would go mad if I spent one more night at home.
But what has really earmarked this time as tedious is the uncertainty. What will happen to my life as I knew it before, can I ever make plans, travel, touch people? How long will this all go on? Now I have done pretty well with all of this because long before the pandemic hit, I have been practicing being comfortable with uncertainty. Not to mention that we have no leadership and I do not believe anyone is telling us the truth. But I will admit there were a couple of times that I was thrown. There were times it was a struggle to just accept that no one knows anything...and that is just the way it is.
But I like the word passage, it is holds hope for us. It is just longueur...it may be dull and tedious but it is defined by its passage and brevity. I guess for all of us humans, we need better parameters around the time period...is this a month long thing, a year, an epoch, an era? We kind of need to know how long this passage is going to be...yet, we can’t. And there is the rub.
A great time to discuss refulgence...crazy word. I cannot decide whether I like it or not...it has a confluence of letters that bring me peace (the gence part of the word) but the beginning part kind of vexes me (the reflul part of the word - kind of reminds me of acid reflux and no one loves that).
I digress.
But I love the radiant and resplendent definition! Who wouldn’t, seems wee could all use a little radiance and resplendency right now.
For me though, the longueur is what brought the reflugence. This down time, this time at home has quieted my restless heart and wandering soul. This dull and tedious passage is what has paved the way for me to experience radiant resplendency in my daily life. It is the forced solitude that has made me appreciate the little things and the not so little things that I was taking for granted.
Life has taken on new meaning and it has changed everything for me. I am quieter and stiller than I have ever been. While being confined to home should produce in me a strong desire to get “back to normal life,” I, instead, find myself wanting to stay home more. I am ok where I am which is foreign and weird to me.
I would be remiss without acknowledging that my career and employer have allowed for me to have this time. Being remote is not a big deal. Being remote is ok. Being remote does not really change my position at all. I am here or I am there, the work is pretty much the same. The in-personness of my job not critical to mission priority. And I am forever grateful for that.
So I want to fully and completely admit that I see that I am lucky and blessed and have been extended grace (undeserved merit) again. Thank you.
But I also want to say that I believe that any time spent in longueur can give us all a little more reflugence in our lives. I think we just have to be willing to see it.
I hope everyone can take a break today or this weekend to appreciate the down time, the slowing of the rat race and marvel in the reflugence. Look for it, see it, feel it, allow it to soak deep within your soul. We are being nourished and cared for in this moment. And this moment is all we truly have...
My wish for all today is that you be able to see one moment of reflugence in your longueur...my hope is that in seeing one, you access the part of you that can see it everywhere. Namaste, my shelter at homers. Shine on!
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