What I learned in Bali…
Well, turns out Bali is not some deserted island nation with lovely beaches and very few people. Yes, I am now aware that this was not the case, ever, but I just insisted in my own mind that it was a valid assessment of Bali so therefor it was so. Yes, I am also aware how arrogant that is and how delusional. I get it, but apparently it was yet another lesson I needed to learn.
You can imagine my surprise when I landed late last Wednesday night and found out that Bali is a densely populated island with a huge traffic problem, motorbike super highways which I know at home as alleys and there is always a lot going on.
I will admit, it took me more than a minute to gain my bearings and realize that what I “thought” Bali was like and what Bali was actually like were two entirely different things…
But as always, there comes confusion and then some understanding…
Bali, as it turns out is much like my mind, busy, active, always something new speeding by that I often feel like I would like to reach out and grab. And I can, any time I want. There will always be a motorbike, or a person, or an item, or idea that is tantalizing from its safe distance, and my mind, would really love to grab hold and give it a go.
My experience in Bali proper was that it is very much like my active and busy mind. There is a lot going on, a fucking lot all the damn time and if I am not careful, my entire vacation and/or life is spent in the busy, crazy that seems to always be available wherever I go.
Because, as you are aware, wherever we go there we are…
But what I learned next is that off any busy thoroughfare in Bali, whether it looks like a street or not there is always an oasis, a respite, a retreat available to me. I can live in the active, busy mind, where all the lovely and crappy stuff is manufactured…OR, I can take a side street, any side street and find my way into some alternative state of restful bliss. It does require a little bit of work for me however.
The older I get the busy insanity entices me less and less but I am not immune from her charms. And I honestly, prefer the glitzy glamor that busy seduces me with all the time. I have to do a fair amount of work to get myself into a place where the quiet, side street that looks like a boring deadend to me from my initial vista from the street, looks like something that might just be good for me.
And such was my experience of Bali…lots of busy, but if you work for it, Bali can be a place of tranquility and restful repose. But whether it is Bali or sanity I am chasing, the work is always going to be there for me.
So I found my out-of-the-way in Bali. I found my sanctuary that place where I lived in the tree tops and was greeted each day with the morning call of birds high in jungle tree tops. There were no motor bike sounds, there were no people, it was just me, my computer, and a pot of coffee that welcomed in each new day.
And somewhere between the busy hustle that is Ubud and the peaceful sanctuary of Sanna, I found some balance in Bali. It did take a fair amount of patience and a good deal of effort, but my Bali experience turned out to be an amazing gift when all was said and done.
My time in Bali is repetitive of my experience every time I sit down to meditate — there is never a time where my mind has more to do than when my ass hits that cushion. It is then, absolutely, that my mind thinks up all kinds of shit that needs to be done, much more important than sitting in half lotus and contemplating my breathing. And so it was in Bali…I could have spent the entirety of my vacation there chasing down trinkets, temples, gurus, yogis and the like. I could have spent a great deal of energy and time attempting to “get” something.
Instead of doing that, I just holed up in my hotel and went to the spa and took my breakfasts in my room every day. I wrote, read, relaxed, swam in my pool, and generally watched the weather change from sunny, to windy, to itinerate downpours that only reinforced my idea that I should remain in bed for the day.
I did not do that…not one single day. But I thought about it daily.
Instead, I had easy mornings, followed by daily spa treatments and a purification ritual that will be its own blog post in the days to come. I spent time in the afternoon and early evening wandering around Ubud and seeing what all the hustle was all about. I was grateful every single night to return to Sanna and my serenity. To wake up the next day, removed from all the busy and ready to begin another day in this life of mine.
The busy will always be tempting and shall always be available, but I learned in Bali that perhaps the effort is greater to seek the peace. To say no to the enticing allure of the varied forms busy takes on and instead, sit still and allow the magic of Bali to enter me, one breath at a time.
I had the best time in Bali with just the right amount of prayer, meditation, yoga and silence balanced against exciting motorbike rides that were death defying, and I mean that quite literally. I walked sacred grounds at temples, had dinner with friends and rang in my 30th year of recovery. All in all, I had the best, unbusy, busy time ever.
I learned, once more, that my mind always wants the busy. There is a certain type of peace for me in the occupation busy takes up and controls my life. But when I am willing to withstand the discomfort of deadend roads that lead me away from the hustle and bustle, I am richly rewarded with an inner peace that drops me down into myself in ways that I cannot seem to access any other way.
What I learned in Bali is that while there is always activity available to be enjoyed, just because it is there all the time doesn’t mean you have to engage with it…and perhaps, if I exercise a little discretion, and a lot of restraint, I too can access parts of myself that do not seem to be accessible to me in any other places other than a place like Bali…
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