Bad Moods...

Where do they come from?

For me, they come from others for the most part. I am usually in a good mood. When I am not, it is usually because I allow the other person's conduct or lack thereof to impact my own mood and drag me down. Or circumstances...like this morning.

The stray cat that has taken up residence in my office to convalesce from his near death dog attack, is a mess. Everyday I get up and he has vomited on my rug or couch, pooped outside the litter box (again) or sneezed all over things. It is not only grossing me out, but annoying me. I am a bit (ok, I am totally, forever, over the edge) a neat freak. Especially my office, I can’t have it be messy in this zoom world I now reside in...so it is a struggle. My new office cat is making life harder...daily.

Children. They are probably the number one disturber of my usual good mood. Their moods, their refusal to pick up after themselves and leave it to me or Maria to do so, may, in fact, drive me over the fucking edge...

But why do I allow others steal my joy? The office cleans up, nothing the cat produces (while it may be disgusting and unpleasant ) is fatal. And it is going to keep happening because he was an outside cat for a long time and he has now decided he is an indoor cat...so it is just going to be like this. Why do I let it rob me of my good mood? The cat is a mess on a whole variety of levels, and I am now his owner and caretaker so it is just the deal I cut...well, actually it is the deal he cut...

The children are not responsive to my rants, begs, pleas, arguments, yelling, threatening or the like. They simply do not care to put away the cereal box from the kitchen table. Or their glassware into the dishwasher. It is just like that for them, they don’t care and maybe never will. Although I am pretty sure that once they have to do it all themselves and there is no mom or Maria to help them, I think they may have another attitude about it...but who knows, maybe they will be slobs forever. I have told them that I will not come visit...this may have had the opposite intended affect.

I did not wake up this morning in a bad mood. I was tired, I am that a lot lately. But I was happy and looking forward to the day. Then the kitchen table was a mess after me telling my daughter before I went to bed my expectations and her saying “yes, mom, I promise I will not leave the table that way...” Then the cat threw up on the rug that I just washed yesterday. Then the vacuum cleaner that I was using to vacuum up the mess the dog made broke. And by this time, I was saying “FUCK!!!!!” Loudly, numerous times. Inner peace disturbed. Mood, changed.

But I stopped the downward spiral there. I finished cleaning up after everyone, got my coffee, dried off the dog who went out in the rain ( I actually love this because she loves being dried off and it is a tender caring moment where I get to do something that actually feels appreciated and valued). So the dog and I have a moment in the laundry room and then I get my coffee and return to my bed...

I breathe. I see that nothing really horrible just happened. My entire day and mood does not have to be ruined. I can move forward leaving the unpleasantries of my earlier day behind. I can start my day over...so I did.

Now I have moved on with writing and feel detached from my earlier shitstorm, I have eschewed the bad mood and donned a better attitude to take into my day. It wasn’t even hard even though moments earlier I was in the deep groove of being pissed off at all the beings who make my life harder. And I was circling the drain because I forgot that though they all make my life harder, they also enrich my life and make it full and wonderful, albeit it messier than my neurotic self would allow.

It is just vomit. It is just crap (and not literal crap so there is that) on the kitchen table. It can be cleaned up and it really takes no effort at all. You know what does take a fuckton of effort? My backstory on the whole deal. That is fucking exhausting...so I am letting it go. Bye Bye! See ya! And I am going to just be happy to have beings that I live with who need me and I need. That I am not alone over here with my perfect house that no one ever sees. I have beings who live and breathe and dare to mess it up and make my life more complicated, messy and colorful. And today I am grateful for the bad mood that started me off down a familiar path, and I am grateful that I was able to take care of the mess but drop the even messier storyline where I am a victim...

Bad moods do come but they also go. Today mine lasted for about five minutes. And that was actually the best five minutes of my day because it caused me to stop and think about where I want to put my energy today. Where I want to invest my time. And "not there" was the answer I came up with...not there, not today. So I started the day over and guess what? My kitchen is clean and there is no cat barf on my rug! I am pretty sure it is going to be a stellar day! And to my former self who cleaned up the whole fucking mess, thank you for doing that for me. I do appreciate your sacrifice and your amazing ability to handle shit like that so I don’t have to and can get on with my day.

Bad moods come but I am in charge of how long they stay...well, at least I was so far today.